


Innovation and Credit

by drelfina



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Gen, Mad scientist Uchiha Shisui, Shisui you're a disgrace, also they're exorcists, and a Ghost probably, blatant misuse of eight trigrams and other taoist philosophies, do not do what shisui does, except for how he's not, except it works!, look at the inspiring fic for it!, much misuse of TCM gg me, onmyōji, the uchiha are exorcists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:54:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27913384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drelfina/pseuds/drelfina
Summary: When you have a serious case of ghosts, who you gonna call?1800-UCHIHAThere is a reason why Uchiha Shisui's exorcising rate is 100%
Relationships: Uchiha Itachi & Uchiha Shisui
Comments: 15
Kudos: 37





	Innovation and Credit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rikacain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rikacain/gifts).
  * Inspired by [under the shade](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19421029) by [rikacain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rikacain/pseuds/rikacain). 



> Please read the inspiring fic. 
> 
> also this fic sat and waited for an entire yeeeeeeaaaaaaar Rikaaaaaaaaaaa lol 
> 
> but we had to wait for Iru to proceed far enough! :D

Uchiha Shisui is not mad. 

The whole Clan knows it. 

The thing is, he has the best results - a full 100% effectiveness, ever since he started taking point. 

Shisui's well versed in the traditions of his Clan after all - he knows what they do, why they do it… 

But he's always looked at the _why_ behind the actions, the theories behind the rituals. 

And he looks at them and says, 

"Well what if I do _this_?"

* * *

Itachi had been present, for when Shisui had come up with it. 

Hard not to be, seeing that it had been his own office, when Shisui came in and hauled in his chalk board and drew diagrams and slapped on seals and magnets and, for a, at the time, bewildering and unknown reason, a manju bun, on the blackboard. 

"See? What do you think?" 

"I think you've forgotten the Eight Trigrams," Itachi had said because he was like Shisui - he knew the theory, he understood the rituals, and he'd grown up with Shisui and knew exactly how his mind worked. 

"Right!" 

And then another scribble, and then Shisui had rushed out again in a whirlwind of chalkdust and mulberry paper.

* * *

A ghost is full of yin energy. At its core, that's what ghosts were, no matter if you were looking at resentful energy, anger, thwarted love. All of it. 

Death was the exact opposite of Life, Yin the opposite of Yang, and that was just how the world was.

And like a magnet, ghosts are trapped and attracted to the world of the living - whatever reasons that anchor them there, it really is literally a matter of the right, perfectly calibrated yang energy to help them move on. 

Exorcists like the Uchiha clan had developed finely calibrated amounts of yang energy in their seals and their swords - it was easy enough to see. They just took a long time, and was energy inefficient - while the tools of the trade (sword, seals, blood and horsetail whisk) were all very fine and good, Shisui was always looking for a better, faster way .

There was a reason why you offered food as appeasement after all.

* * *

The ghost that Itachi and Shisui went out to take care of was horrendous. Somehow it had also managed to gorge itself on nearby livestock, their deaths feeding this huge man with the energy the size of a large apartment building, and Itachi hated the thought of having to build an array large enough to contain him. 

No, it wasn't the size - it was the speed required too - and at the time, Itachi had been glad he was assigned with Shisui - because Shisui was the fastest in their clan and - 

"Why arent' you drawing the array, Shisui?" Itachi said. 

"Because," Shisui said, smiling up at the huge roaring creature that was strong enough to rip up actual traffic bollards, concrete and stone crumbling after. "This is a perfect test." 

"A WHAT," Itachi said. 

And Shisui pulled out a weird contraption made mainly of tubes and triggers and a whole bag of the nikuman he'd made Itachi stop to buy, and fed it into the funnel-end of his contraption. 

"Hey asshole!" Shisui yelled at the ghost, grinning as it turned to roar at him. "Eat this!" 

And shot an entire stream of nikuman into its huge maw.

* * *

"It shouldn't have worked," Itachi protested, as he tried to wash off… well, ecclastial slime and pork sauce from hsi hair. 

"It did. And you helped!" Shisui said cheerfully. For some reason, even if he had been the one right in the zone of blast, he came out of the mess pristine, and Itachi was the one covered in ghost slime and leftover pork bun. 

"I did _not_." 

"You said I needed the eight trigrams - you saw it! The theory was perfectly sound." Shisui beamed at him. "You missed a bit there." 

Itachi flipped his ponytail at him but missed. 

"And I told the Elders that we collaborated on this," Shisui went on blithely. "It was awesome AND we finished in less than a quarter of the time too!" 

"This isn't even traditional - why would you say I helped!" 

"Because you did!" Shisui said. "And your help was CRITICAL. So I'm not gonna hoard all the credit." 

Shisui hummed and fiddled with what he'd called his Manju Gun and Itachi stared in mild horror. "Oh god. I'm going to go down in history as the Clan Leader who invented the Manju gun technique." 

"It's awesome isn't it? All that food - especially red meat! - is really yang energy, easy to deliver it straight into the ghost's core." 

Shisui smacked it till a nikuman fell out the back. "Hah, you clogged the mess!" 

"That's not what the theory of food is for-" Itachi moaned. 

"It's the same principle, and it worked," Shisui said. "You know what, we're both men… yang energy…" he sounded very thoughtful, and Itachi froze as he realised what Shisui was thinking. 

"Shisui, NO." 

"Ultimate Yang energy, Itachi!" Shisui said, grinning. "All i need is a distraction, and I can fuck a ghost to the next life! Thanks for the idea, Itachi!" 

"Oh Ancestors preserve me," Itachi said.

**Author's Note:**

> Do Not Try this at Home Kids 
> 
> Do Not Fuck Ghosts. 
> 
> Only Experts Can Do THis.


End file.
